It’s 11:15pm. I’ve been working since 7pm and I still have a significant list of things to be done before my head hits a pillow.
The kitchen needs to be cleaned. The floor should be washed, but that might be put off again. The toys covering the living room floor need to be put away. Homework for three classes still needs to be completed for tomorrow. The bathroom is a mess (clean or leave? Not sure yet.) The laundry needs to be done, but that isn’t going to happen. Lunches and snacks need to be packed (not enough time in the morning). I’m backlogged on paying work that I desperately need to complete so I can pay the rent. Not to mention the 20+ hours of “free work” that I’ve promised to various people. Avery will no doubt wake up at least 3 times before 6am, most likely crying for at least 45 minutes around 3:30. She hates sleeping as much as I hate not sleeping. My car desperately needs an oil change and I don’t even have the money to pay the electric bill. Wait, where is my phone? I haven’t seen it in days. Hopefully nobody is calling.
It’s moments like this when I feel the most independent and determined. But I will tell you, I am so mad. I am mad that I’ve been made to do this on my own. I’m mad that there isn’t someone I can lean on and depend on. I’m sad that there isn’t another person who loves Avery like I do, who works to support us as hard as I do, who makes her a priority like I do. It’s infuriating. and heartbreaking.
So, wherever you are at 11:15pm, whatever you are doing, know that I am here – working – doing everything in my power to make life the best it can possibly be for Avery and myself.
Good night. (to you, not me just yet).
Love this. Love your honesty. Love YOU & your heart, grit, & determination. #goodjobmom #proudofyou #hashtag #ithinkyouarewonderfulandamazingandthatyouhavetheworldscutestbaby
Wow, does that bring back memories…started when I was 22 with a two year old and a newborn, feeling like I could hardly breathe, terrified that I wasn’t going to find a way to make it through the next hour let alone the years ahead. I’m sharing this because I know what it’s like and because I want you to know that someday these difficulties will be a distant memory. In the meantime the money issues and doing it alone and lack of sleep and all that stuff sucks and it’s great that you’re willing to put it out there. We all know that none of it colors how much you love that little girl and what a great mom you are to her. Just so you know, you’re on my list in case I ever win the lottery! 🙂
You’re doing a great job! I really admire everything you do for that amazing little girl. Hang in there : )